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tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  February 15, 2012 3:05am-4:00am EST

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>> jimmy: we're back! [ cheers and applause ] thank you. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. we are back in new york. [ cheers and applause ] it feels good. it feels great to be back here, you guys. everyone is still talking about the new york giants, huh? [ cheers and applause ] what a game. what a game. in fact, super bowl xlvi became the most-watched tv show in u.s. history. but if you couldn't catch it, then you know how it feels to be the patriots. [ laughter ] that's right. that's right. this year's super bowl was the most-watched tv show in history. it beat out the previous record holder, the episode of "family matters" when urkel turns into stefan. [ cheers and applause ] that can't be right.
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>> steve: that's true. >> jimmy: are you sure? >> steve: yeah. [ as urkel ] mmm, got some cheese. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that was, like, jackée. that sounded like jackée, not urkel. >> steve: that's my kurkel. >> jimmy: that's your kurkel. [ laughter ] >> steve: yeah. [ as "kurkel"] mmm. mmm. 227. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the halftime show -- oh, how about that? that was huge, huh? [ cheers ] that was big. in fact, this morning in new york, three cab drivers showed me their impression of m.i.a. i was, like, what? [ laughter ] they even yelled my name. >> steve: did they really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: oh my god. >> jimmy: actually, this is our first show back in new york after a week in indianapolis. [ cheers ] and i think -- i think the hoosier hospitality really rubbed off on me. today, i held a subway door open for, like, six rats that were trying to get in. [ laughter ] i go, come on in, guys. come on in, huh? eat something. here's an election update. because of large crowds at his campaign events, mitt romney will now receive protection from the secret service. not to be outdone, ron paul will
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now receive protection from a mall cop on a segway. [ laughter and applause ] [ segway noises ] this is interesting. a recent study found that people lie more when they're texting. yeah, especially that one lie -- "sorry, just got your text." [ laughter and applause ] really? i'm sure you just got it. holding your -- give me a break. listen to this. over the weekend, a man in chicago got stuck in two different elevators on the same day. [ laughter ] which would explain his sudden desire to murder kenny g. [ laughter ] ♪ >> steve: not again! >> jimmy: hey, guys, here's some financial news. kodak recently filed for bankruptcy after 130 years in
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business. more on that story as it develops. [ laughter and applause ] it's a clean joke. >> steve: now, come on. >> jimmy: it's a clean joke. your kid can tell it to grandpa or grandma. yeah. >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: grandma and grandpa could tell it top the kids. >> steve: it's a win-win. >> jimmy: ♪ it's the circle of life joke ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] and finally, a woman in florida told police that her large breasts affected her balance during a sobriety test. [ laughter ] not 'cause they're heavy. just 'cause they're the reason she got so many free shots. [ laughter ] all right, we've got a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh man. it feels good to be home, you
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guys. we had a great time in indianapolis. i want to thank them once again. everybody was so great to us. gosh, what a great place. [ cheers and applause ] they hosted a great party, but there's nothing like our home here at studio 6b. we have a great show tonight. first, this guy's a great singer, a great actor, now you can see him on "law & order: svu." harry connick, jr. is here! [ cheers and applause ] oh, my gosh. i love harry connick, jr., man. that guy's just -- he can do it all, man. good looking dude. >> steve: one. >> jimmy: sing really well. >> steve: two. >> jimmy: he can act really well. >> steve: three. >> jimmy: and then he was in broadway -- he danced really well. >> steve: four. >> jimmy: and that's it. >> steve: got a good head of hair. >> jimmy: great head of hair. >> steve: five. >> jimmy: and he supports, like, new orleans. and he's, like, a local, cool dude. >> steve: oh my god. >> jimmy: he's just a winner. i like that guy. harry connick, jr. is on the show. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: next, one of the stars of the hit "twilight" movies kellan lutz is going to be
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joining us! [ cheers and applause ] girls love him. ladies love lutz. he's a very, very funny man who is a star and creator of the adult swim show, "delocated." jon glaser is stopping by! [ cheers and applause ] he's always super fun. and the music -- oh, get ready for this, you guys. the cranberries are performing! [ cheers and applause ] i love the cranberries. i saw the cranberries. i was in college. i saw the cranberries. i love dolores -- she's an irish lass, the lead singer. and she's just gorgeous, and she has an amazing voice. and i went to go see them. and i remember that was one of my first kind of concerts. i never went to that many. and i yelled, "i love you, dolores!" and she goes, "i love you, too." [ laughter ] and i looked at my friend and was, like, "wait, what?" did she just -- did that just happen? and then, i just got so drunk, i threw up all over the place. [ laughter ] >> steve: but the point -- right. >> jimmy: that -- i'll never forget that, yeah. i love the cranberries. gosh, they're one of my favorites. it's time to announce this week's "late night hashtag," you guys.
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valentine's day is coming up next tuesday. reminder for you dudes out there, so -- [ laughter ] yeah, yeah, yeah. sorry. before the show, i went on twitter. i started a hashtag called #myworstvalentine. for example, i tweeted out, "got high school girlfriend a whitman sampler, then i ate the cherry cordial, rearranged the candies so she wouldn't know. busted." [ laughter ] i figured, i'm paying all this money. i don't have that much money to spend on chocolates. >> steve: you sort of wet your beak. >> jimmy: and the whitman samps, you've got the little map under there. they tell you where all the goodies are. >> steve: "oh, my favorite, cherry cordials." >> jimmy: i was really into cherry cordials at the time, so i went "scoop." and then i just kind of rearranged it all. [ laughter ] >> steve: "i love you." >> jimmy: that day, it was so sad. she was like, what? clearly there was one missing, because it was, like, moved -- >> steve: shaking. >> jimmy: shaking around, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> steve: and you left the white wrapper. >> jimmy: it wasn't in the shape of a heart. it was more of, like, a, like, a star or something. i don't know what it was in the shape of. >> steve: a star? >> jimmy: but it was missing things. one of those stars that you draw if you're satanic. [ laughter ] >> steve: oh, like a pentagram. >> jimmy: a pentagram. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. of course. the satanic whitman sample. everybody loves that. i love the hell out of that. [ laughter ]
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>> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. [ applause ] hey, this is where you guys come in. you've got to go on twitter and tweet out something funny or embarrassing that happened to you or someone you know on valentine's day, and be sure to include the hashtag #myworstvalentine. i'll look at all of them and put some of my favorites on the show tomorrow night, so tune in. [ cheers and applause ] you might see your tweet on the show. can we get -- ♪ that's the cranberries. >> steve: oh. ♪ all my love ♪ changing every day ♪ every possible way ♪ >> jimmy: just great, everything. [ cheers and applause ] they're gonna hit a homer tonight. oh, they're good. they're good stuff. >> steve: maybe they have to let it linger, too, right? ♪ do you have to do you have to do you have to ♪ ♪ let it linger yeah, that's an amazing one. "zombie." >> steve: yep. ♪ zombie zombie
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zombie zombie ♪ ♪ hey hey hey oh oh oh ♪ yeah, that's good. >> jimmy: hey, everyone, here at "late night," we make exercise and staying healthy a top priority. >> steve: right on! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: and we're also big fans of the first lady's "let's move!" initiative, which encourages kids to get active. and that's why this caught my eye the other day when i saw it. it's the first lady talking about "let's move!" >> pretty much willing to make a complete fool out of myself to get our kids moving. and we can't tell them to run around outside when we're lying on the couch watching tv. >> jimmy: all right, now i have to take issue with that last part. [ laughter ] yes, exercise is important, but it's also important to be back on that couch at 12:37 so you can watch this show. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: if you let your kids exercise at 12:37, you'd be an awful parent. >> jimmy: kids should not be exercising at 12:37 in the morning. >> steve: you'd be an awful
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parent. >> jimmy: so, look. you have to balance -- you have to have a balance in life. but that part about making a fool of herself to get kids moving, i connected with that. i make a fool of myself every night, so i decided to go down there and help the first lady out. take a look. >> jimmy: hey, guys, i'm here at the white house where president obama and his family live. now, as you can imagine, the security is pretty tight, but i have the highest level of security clearance. >> sir, this is a restricted area. i mentioned it before, so i want you to -- right. that's your nbc employee i.d. taped to a dave & buster's gift card. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: is it? >> yes, it is. >> jimmy: yeah, it is. >> it's okay, harry. he's with me. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: mrs. obama, it is so exciting to be here at the white house. >> oh, jimmy, thanks so much for coming. we are so excited that you've come all the way here to raise awareness for the "let's move!" initiative. you ready for a little competition? >> jimmy: almost. i'll be right back. ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> huh-uh. no way, jimmy. >> jimmy: got you. >> much better. so, we're going to start with a stair race. you ready to do this? >> jimmy: i was born ready. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ risin' up back on the street did my time took my chances ♪ ♪ went the distance now i'm back on my feet just a man and his will to survive ♪ ♪ it's the eye of the tiger
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it's the thrill of the fight risin' up to the challenge of our rival ♪ ♪ and the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night and he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger ♪ >> you all right, jimmy? >> jimmy: what? yeah, definitely. what's next? >> potato sack race. >> jimmy: well, we're all tied up. potato sack race for all the marbles. >> good luck. you're going to need it. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> well, jimmy, that was fun. and thank you so much for coming to the white house and raising awareness for "let's move!" >> jimmy: it was my pleasure. i think, you know, the most important thing for the kids to learn is that it's all about being active and having fun. if doesn't matter if you won or if you lost, you know. >> it matters. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: double or nothing. [ cheers and applause ] i can't believe i lost the potato sack race. that's my event!
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anyway, i want to thank the first lady for being such a good sport. she is so cool. michelle obama is the coolest. when we met her and we were off-camera, i was really that excited. i was, like, oh my gosh, thank you, like, so much for letting us be here. like, we're so excited. she was like, "yeah, i know. this is the white house!" [ laughter ] like, she matched my excitement. i love that she did that. and i think that was bo's first acting job. look, he licked my face. [ audience aws ] bo loved me. bo totally loved me. and it was his first acting job looking disappointed in my outfit, which is sad. but, hey, guys, if you want to find out more about "let's move!" then check out it's a really cool initiative. and thank you so much to the first lady and everyone at the white house. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ when a carpet is clean and fresh, it's irresistible.
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whee! whee! wheeeeeeeee! ah heads up. wheeeeeeeeeeee! everything you love about geico, now mobile. download the new geico app today. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is a multiple grammy and award-winning performer who has sold over 25 million albums. now you can see him wednesdays at 10:00 p.m. in "law & order: svu" right here on nbc. please welcome harry connick, jr.! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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>> man, that sound like mardi gras music over there. >> jimmy: i was going to say they did a version of paul mccartney. mardi gras "junior's farm." >> that'd be nice. man, the band sounds great. >> jimmy: oh, the band is great. thanks so much for being on the show. [ cheers and applause ] did you watch the super bowl? everyone's talking about it. >> i did watch it. >> jimmy: who were you rooting for? >> man, i was rooting for the saints. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you know that they're weren't -- you know that they were not in the super bowl this year. >> i won't admit that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we had drew brees on the show while we were in indianapolis. what a cool guy. >> drew brees is the man. and he's a great hero of mine. and to new orleans. i mean, listen, i'm happy for them. you know, eli is from new orleans. and i'm happy for eli, and i'm glad that they won. but i still am just sick to my stomach. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: come on. mardi gras will get you over it. >> mardi gras will get anybody over anything. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. you have a special -- you have your own parade in mardi gras. >> well, back in 1993, to make a
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really long story short, we had an opportunity to form a parade. i noticed that all the parades in mardi gras were all white men. the only black people in the parades were either marching in the marching bands, or what they called flambos. before they had street lights in new orleans, they had to have these guys hold these oil lanterns to light the way for the floats. and it's still a big part of the mardi gras tradition, but they were the only black people in the parade, so all the white people were dressed up in these beautiful costumes, and all the black people were on the ground picking up nickels and stuff. and it just seemed out of balance when there was one black parade, one female parade but everything else was all white. >> jimmy: no women either. >> don't interrupt. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm still learning. >> you'll never have harry connick back on this show. >> jimmy: ah, no, no, no. appreciate the invite. >> what i did was, i said, why can't we have a parade where, like, my black friends can ride,
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my wife can ride, to kind of have a parade that will represent new orleans for what it is, which is a just mix of everybody. so we started this parade called orpheous, which is the first integrated, multi- gender, it just don't matter who you are kind of parade. and now all the other parades followed suit. [ cheers and applause ] which is cool. and you can ride -- you should come down and ride with us one year. >> jimmy: i'd love to. >> it's really -- >> jimmy: i'm just afraid to talk. >> fun. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but -- what does orpheus -- what does that stand for? >> orpheus was a mythological figure -- greek mythology that sort of loosely represents the music for the gods. i think -- i don't know if orpheus was the musician that played for zeus or whatever it was, but all the parades have mythological themes, so -- >> jimmy: oh, gosh, such great music in new orleans. >> oh, my gosh. good stuff. >> jimmy: i mean, they even make a funeral fun when they -- >> not really. >> jimmy: well, they do it in -- >> no, he's talking about -- he's talking about jazz
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funerals. like, when somebody dies in new orleans, they'll bury them, and then they play, like, a slow dirge beat to the grave site, and then they play, like, "when the saints go marching in" after the big celebration. >> jimmy: it's unbelievable. >> it's pretty cool. >> jimmy: oh my gosh. being irish, we take our funerals seriously. >> oh yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. we're geniuses at those. but we don't have that type of music, you know. that's just kind of fun and good. congratulations. you were nominated for a grammy. >> i was. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's this weekend. >> the grammys are this weekend. >> jimmy: are you going to go? >> i'm not going to be able to make it. >> jimmy: no, no, no. >> i don't really go unless -- how do you say it? you know why i'm not going? because i think i know who's going to win. i have a gut feeling. i don't know who's -- all the people that are nominated in my category. >> jimmy: susan boyle, barbra streisand and seth mcfarlane.
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>> seth mcfarlane. "family guy." >> jimmy: wait a sec. wait. 'cause seth mcfarlane's from "family guy." >> seth mcfarlane -- he can sing, for real. like, he can really sing. and i love "family guy." and i met him the other day. and i'm actually really pulling for him. [ laughter ] i mean, i've won a couple of grammys, and it's great. it's really a great honor. but, you know, i've been there. i mean, i've done it. another grammy is -- i'm sure my record label won't like to hear me say it, but i'm really pulling for seth. imagine how that would feel. >> jimmy: he put out a record? >> yeah, he's got a record out. and how great -- can you imagine being the guy -- >> jimmy: i've got to get this. >> i'm telling you, he kind of sounds -- i hope he's not watching. he sounds like -- kind of like brian, a little bit -- the dog. [ laughter ] but he sounds better than that. but it's the same guy doing the voice. but when you listen to the record, it's a really quality, great record. and i'm just -- >> jimmy: that's good. you're a very giving human being. >> no, it's not about giving. i was just thinking, from his perspective, can you imagine
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being up there with barbra streisand and tony bennett, and then you get nominated, and you're, like, and you're a comedy guy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and this is a legitimate vocal record. man, shucks, i hope he takes it home. >> jimmy: that's so nice of you. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: not to tell you how great you are. you already know. but, you do this -- it's a center for music in new orleans. marsalis -- >> yeah. ellis marsalis was my teacher. >> jimmy: ellis marsalis. >> and he has six sons. two of them -- branford is the oldest, and he's my good buddy. and branford and i decided after hurricane katrina, we would like to have a school, or something to continue the musical traditions of new orleans. well, it's turned into this new orleans musicians village, which is now 80 homes. and in the center is this community center named after ellis, the father. the ellis marsalis center for music. and it's just the coolest thing. because all of these older musicians in new orleans -- man, y'all know, like, i mean, you get these traditions passed down to you, and in new orleans we were like this close to having everybody move out.
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so this musicians village kind of brought people back. and now the old-timers can teach the youngsters how to play and teach them the traditions. you know smokey johnson? you ever heard that song, "it ain't my fault"? he's the guy who came up with the beat. smokey lives there. he had a stroke. he can hardly play. he can only kind of use his right hand, but he's still -- i mean, he can still teach kids how to do that. and don't nod along when i'm doing music. it's just something -- [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: he's unbelievable tonight. you're doing a good deal. you're getting into it, man. >> you know what? the "ain't my fault" beat is -- >> jimmy: no, i don't. >> check it out. it goes -- i'm sorry. >> jimmy: go for it. >> check it out. it goes like -- i want to play it, but i'll play it over here. it goes -- >> jimmy: what, you want to play it on drums? >> yeah, can i? >> jimmy: yeah, come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> i approach the bandstand with a lot of respect.
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this is a smokey -- oh, okay. you got two snare drums. this is "it ain't my fault." ♪ ♪ and then they go -- ♪ whoa it ain't my fault whoa it ain't my fault ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, that's what i'm talking about! [ cheers and applause ] that's number five. he actually plays the drums, too. ♪ you guys, harry connick jr., "law & order: svu" is wednesdays at 10:00 p.m. on nbc. kellan lutz joins us next! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] take the gamble out of stain removal.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: "the twilight saga: breaking dawn part 1" was a smash hit worldwide. it will be released on dvd, blu-ray this saturday, february 11th. please welcome one of the stars of "twilight." here's kellan lutz, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome to "late night." thank you for being on the show. [ cheers and applause ] the ladies love you. hey, we're talking about the super bowl there. did you -- did you go? >> yeah. we stayed in the same hotel. >> jimmy: did we really? >> yeah, i left you a note. you left your teddy bear. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. is that where i -- i didn't know where i left him, yeah. teddy was missing, yeah. >> no, you know, i love the super bowl. last year i missed out. i was shooting "breaking dawn."
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>> jimmy: yeah. >> but my pats lost. i'm a big cardinals and pats fan. pats, because i'm born in north dakota. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: born in north dakota? >> i was born in north dakota. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and randy moss is one of my favorite receivers. he moved from minnesota to new england. so, i didn't jump on the bandwagon, but -- >> jimmy: you just like the patriots. >> he was solid. yeah. >> jimmy: so you did not enjoy the ending at least. >> not at all. >> jimmy: no, no, no. [ light laughter ] but you're such a fan of football, you went to the pro bowl. >> yeah. >> jimmy: no one goes to the pro bowl. [ laughter ] i mean, you don't have to do that. you know that? yeah, yeah, yeah. no one goes there. >> i flew out with larry fitzgerald, actually. i saw him on the flight. didn't said hi to him. i don't know why. i think i was kind of star-struck, actually. >> jimmy: you just -- yeah. you were just like -- you should've passed him a note saying he left his teddy bear in one of the seats back there. [ light laughter ] that's pretty cool. being that much of football fan, you just wanted to hang out -- well, it's also in hawaii, right? >> it's in hawaii. and i was there for the pipeline. pro surf tour. which is great. >> jimmy: okay. >> and it was my first time in
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hawaii, so -- >> jimmy: are you a surfer? >> i usually tan. i've been pale for years. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i guess -- i guess those vampire movies do that to you. yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you've been too pale. yeah. you're in a movie called "java heat." it's opposite mickey rourke. mickey! that's my guy. [ cheers ] that's my man. that guy delivers. he's solid. he's awesome. we love mickey. he's been on the show. did you get along with mickey rourke? >> i loved working with mickey. a lot of the people -- we had a young director who wasn't really scared. conor allyn, great director. but a lot of the producers were kind of scared to -- you know, how is mickey going to react? >> jimmy: because he might knock you out. >> he might knock you out. >> jimmy: he's one of those dudes. you're not sure if he's just going to shake your hand or just punch you out. [ laughter ] >> but he was -- he was a really cool guy. really cool guy. >> jimmy: please. he's watching. yeah, he's the coolest. [ laughter ] you don't want to mess with that dude, man. this is a crazy action movie. this is a crazy action movie. things flipping, explosions. >> but what i loved about it -- we did practical explosions. no special effects. so, it's the first time i had to
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get lubed head-to-toe with fire -- >> jimmy: watch it. watch it. watch it. watch it. [ cheers and applause ] but i said it once at the -- you're not allowed to talk about getting lubed on our show. [ laughter ] everyone's done it. harry connick jr. did it, and we edited it out. we didn't even show it. but you did all your stunts in this lubed up and everything. >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: look at this. oops. flipped the car over. that's a real car? >> we had some great stuntmen. >> jimmy: is that a matchbox? >> it's a real police car. and what we do, we get hit by these bad guys. they flip the car. i'm inside. it's crazy when you're getting dragged hundreds of feet. >> jimmy: yeah, you want to see how real it is, look at this picture of his arm. >> so, then i -- i love scars. and i didn't realize in movies, usually you have, like, fake mesh in police cars. so you get hit, it doesn't get hurt. this is real razor sharp -- mesh. that i had to kick through. and they put fake blood on you, so you don't realize what you're coming out of by the time you're done. >> jimmy: when you wipe the blood off, you're like, "good lord." >> yeah, no, this isn't wiping off. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: holy mackerel. >> see? i'm trying to get the gun, and
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it's just -- >> jimmy: ugh, killing you. >> stretching it. >> jimmy: is it gone now? >> is what? >> jimmy: scar's gone. >> no, it's still -- when i sunburn, it comes out pretty bad. >> jimmy: yeah. i want to -- we did a bit on our show -- i don't know if you ever saw this -- called "robert is bothered." >> yeah. >> jimmy: and uh -- played robert pattinson, and i'm up in a tree and uh -- [ cheers and applause ] played robert -- i'm up -- i'm up in a tree with a book because i figured that's probably what this dude does. he probably climbs up in a tree and reads a book. or does something -- writes in his journal. you know what i'm saying? so, yeah. >> what's all the wet spots? >> jimmy: it was raining that day. >> oh, okay. >> jimmy: but that's how -- [ laughter ] yeah. you get scars, i get wet. do you see what i'm saying? [ light laughter ] and then paparazzi found this photo, and i just died laughing. this is you in a tree reading a book! [ laughter and applause ] what is going on? what is -- that's real! [ applause ] that's a real photo! [ cheers and applause ] he's going up the tree. what are you doing up in a tree, man? reading this book. did you see the bit before we
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did it? >> i'm trying to be like rob, all right? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so you climb up in trees and read books? >> i don't know why i did that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: dude, i laughed so hard. i go -- >> yeah, i have no idea why i did that. there were some people who, like -- i've never paid for a paparazzi shot or anything like that. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i don't understand people who do it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and for some reason, i thought it would be cool because they were following me to hide in a tree. no. >> jimmy: i just think it's -- how art imitates life imitating art. [ laughter ] that makes me laugh so hard. kellan, you're a good dude. we love you. i just want to tell you how -- what a great guy this guy is. everybody in our audience gets a dvd copy of -- [ cheers and applause ] ♪ -- "twilight: breaking dawn part 1." it's not even out yet! you're the man. kellan lutz, you guys! comedian jon glaser joins us after the break. come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is the creator and star of the very, very funny adult swim show, "delocated." he's also the author of this book, "my dead dad was in zz top." [ laughter ] please welcome back to the show, jon glaser, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ gimme all your lovin' all your hugs and kisses too ♪ ♪ gimme all your lovin' don't let up until we're through ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. [ cheers and applause ] >> g-men, baby! g-men! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the giants, yeah. >> my g-men.
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you know who -- what else? cranberries! >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, cranberries! woo! >> jimmy: you're -- you're a fan of the cranberries? >> who? the band? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> are they on the show tonight? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i figured -- >> the cranberries are on the show tonight? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there are very -- for the cranberries. >> yeah, let's hear for cranberries. the fruit. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: jon glaser, look at this book right here. "my dead dad was in zz top." >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is an amazing book. >> can we -- cover. >> jimmy: can you zoom in to down here? i don't know if you can -- 100% fake. >> he'll just close it real quick. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this is not real. none of these are stories are real. >> i just have to say very quickly because my friends will bust me on it -- i don't like the giants or the yankees. i'm sorry. [ audience boos ] but you know what? look, i wanted to come out strong, get the audiencesy pched and pumped, get them on my side. [ laughter ] and then get them more on my side with my honesty. [ light laughter ] thank you. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. way more important than sports. >> jimmy: way more exciting -- >> way more important. >> jimmy: you're not sponsored
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by raymore & flanagan, are you? >> who? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i thought you said raymore & flanagan sports. >> i said, "way more important than sports." [ laughter and applause ] who was the thing you said? >> jimmy: raymore & flanagan. [ laughter ] so, like, a furniture company or something. >> that's a made up -- that's a made up name. >> jimmy: raymore & flanagan. i thought you said you were raymore & flanagan sports, man. [ laughter ] >> wait, it's furniture. >> jimmy: yeah, sort of like -- you -- like a furniture sponsored your little league team or something. >> so you thought i was doing, like, a combo. like, raymore furniture and sports. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. to like -- up your little league team, you know? >> no, that's not what i was doing at all. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> but you know what? g-men, baby! g-men! [ cheers and applause ] >> g-men, baby. >> jimmy: that's the type of -- "delocated." this thing. you put it in your dvd player, and you play it up loud, man. do you want to explain what "delocated" is about so people who haven't seen season un or season dos? >> yes, "delocated" is a fake
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reality show about a guy in the witness protection program who wears a ski mask the entire time he's on camera to protect his anonymity and also has his voice altered permanently so it sounds like -- >> jimmy: he's in the witness protection program, yet he signs on to do a reality tv show. >> yeah, he's a -- i'm pretty sure i can say this word. he's a smug ass [ bleep ] that wants to be famous. right? on tv? that's cool. we can say it on my show. >> jimmy: no. you guys, we're not cool with that. >> my show, we can say it so -- >> jimmy: boo. [ laughter ] >> yay! yay! he's a real -- he's a fame whore, and he wants to be famous like a lot -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> -- like a lot of reality stars, to the point that he's going to put him and his family in danger. >> jimmy: you have a new character this season named mishka. >> yes, i'm -- we had this really stupid idea. because i'm wearing a ski mask, we thought i could play a second character if i wanted to. it's a really obnoxious thing to do. >> jimmy: could you mind showing everyone your real hair? do you mind? >> this is my real hair right here. it's kind of hard to tell. it's a little bit -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> and it's mostly like this. [ laughter ] and it's a little bit of this. >> jimmy: you could do -- you
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could do a kramer look-a-like parties on weekends. [ laughter ] >> look, i have kids and i got to support them, so i do kramer look-alike stuff on the weekends. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you don't talk like kramer or anything. >> i don't talk like kramer. >> jimmy: have you ever seen "seinfeld"? >> i've never seen a "seinfeld." i've just seen -- i've seen photos of kramer, and i make -- look, i make $50,000 on the weekends pretending to be kramer. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: every gig you get 50 grand? >> yeah, and when my son talks back to me when he's a teen, i'll tell him, "fake kramer put you through college, and you shut your mouth!" [ laughter ] [ scattered applause ] i'll never talk to my son like that ever. >> jimmy: "fake kramer put you through college." >> yeah. this is all getting edited out of the show by the way. >> jimmy: no. >> all of the fake kramer -- great. great. [ laughter ] harry connick jr., you're gone. [ laughter ] this is too good. >> jimmy: this is too much magic. >> jimmy: all right, wait. so you just -- so that was your real -- that is your real hair. go look at this. so, you buzzed it down. >> yes, for this character, we started here. >> jimmy: yep. >> everything from the back -- this is all gone. >> jimmy: yeah. then you went here.
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>> then we went -- basically, you can see -- >> jimmy: with a flat iron? >> all of the hair was flat ironed and then product and then combed forward. >> jimmy: and here's your character. >> and there's my character. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, do you have -- do you have a clip from "delocated"? do you want to set that up? >> yes, this clip is just the second episode. my character has now moved into this really sweet loft that he's always wanted. and he bought a potato skins bar that he's psyched about. [ light laughter ] and he's having a house-warming party to meet all the new neighbors in his new loft building. >> jimmy: here's jon glaser in "delocated," you guys. ♪ >> how psyched are the neighbors going to be for this house-warming party? [ laughter ] thank you for that six-foot party skin. >> very. >> tb, how many skins do you think i can fit in my mouth? >> i don't know. three? >> nope. four. get it?
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four skins. four skins. [ laughter ] >> no, i get it. >> yeah? >> yeah, i get it. >> jimmy: oh, my god! [ cheers and applause ] you did it this time. check out the first two seasons of "delocated" on dvd! watch the show thursdays at midnight on cartoon network. jon glaser, everybody! the cranberries perform next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ we know a place where tossing and turning have given way to sleeping. where sleepless nights yield to restful sleep. and lunesta can help you get there, like it has for so many people before. when taking lunesta, don't drive or operate machinery until you feel fully awake. walking, eating, driving, or engaging in other activities while asleep, without remembering it the next day, have been reported. abnormal behaviors may include aggressiveness, agitation, hallucinations or confusion.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm in love with our next guest. they're about to release their first album in 11 years called "roses." and on may 4th, they will start a tour right here at terminal 5 in new york. here with their first tv performance of their new single "tomorrow," please welcome the cranberries! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ♪ ♪ i think that you're mad
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you spend a lot of time in your head ♪ ♪ i know that you're mad you spend a lot of time in your head ♪ ♪ if you could come away with me you should come away with me ♪ ♪ if only you had some faith in me ♪ ♪ tomorrow could be too late i wish i could change the date ♪ ♪ tomorrow could be too late if only you had some faith ♪ ♪ too young too proud too foolish ♪ ♪ too young
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too proud too foolish ♪ ♪ you ask a lot of questions you have too much time on your hands ♪ ♪ to hell with conclusions why should we make so many plans ♪ ♪ so you should come away with me you should come away with me ♪ ♪ you should have some faith in me ♪ ♪ tomorrow could be too late i wish i could change the date ♪ ♪ tomorrow could be too late if only you had some faith ♪ ♪ too proud
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too foolish ♪ ♪ too young too proud too foolish ♪ ♪ ahh ahh ♪ ♪ ahh ahh ♪ ♪ ahh ahh ♪ ♪ so great i wish i could change the date ♪ ♪ tomorrow could be so great if only you had some faith ♪ ♪ tomorrow could be so great i wish i could change the date ♪ ♪ tomorrow could be so great
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if only you had some faith ♪ ♪ la la ahh la la la ahh la la la ahh ♪ ♪ la la ahh la la la ahh ♪ ♪ la la ahh la la la ahh ♪ ♪ la la ahh la la la ahh ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, fellows. appreciate it. oh, my goodness.
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thank you so much. the cranberries, everybody! look for their new album "roses." visit for an exclusive bonus performance! we'll be right back, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ weight loss programs can be expensive. so to save some money, i just got the popular girls from the local middle school to follow me around. ew. seriously? so gross. ew. seriously? that is so gross. ew. seriously? dude that is so totally gross. so gross...i know. there's an easier way to save. geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. introducing resolve all-stains! the pre-treat that combines a chamber of oxygen formula with a chamber of enzyme formula in the same bottle. resolve removes all types of stains in the first wash.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to harry connick jr, kellan lutz, jon glaser, the cranberries! [ cheers ] and the greatest band in late night, the roots, everybody! stay tuned for "carson daly." thank you for watching. see you guys tomorrow. bye-bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪


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